Day 143

I am writing this very early on Saturday morning because last night I went out for the first time since I was diagnosed - and I boogied my socks off!! I went out with my sister to see her husband play in his band (they are extremely good) and they played Steve Harley's 'Come up and See Me' which is one of my all time favourite songs. Would you believe it was the first time I have ever danced with my sister? And what was really scary was - we dance the same way!! One of her friends was saying that his head gets cold in the Winter, he had very little hair and my sister said "Go on!" to me so I said I sympathise! After his initial shock (!) I had him in in fits of laughter, we both agreed that it was better to shave the tufty bits off! I had chemo a week ago and I was up until 1am today having spent a wonderful evening with my sister. It is times like these that really make you feel alive and glad to be so. I don't think I have ever enjoyed dancing as much as I did last night. It was just her and me on the dance floor and we both had the biggest smiles!

Day 142

Feeling better and better every day. The nausea is still around but I have not had to take any tablets today, just making sure I am eating and drinking properly. My appetite is up and down at the moment, one minute I am starving hungry, the next I cannot eat anything at all. I expect that will sort itself out in due course. I had a check of the lump area this morning - absolutely nothing there at all. It is not even tender to touch. I think it will take a while before I really believe that it has gone. My breast looks back to normal. If only I could see my liver! I did manage to have pudding today though! I am tired but very, very happy.

Day 141

Finally! The nausea is starting to wear off. I slept brilliantly last night, was tucked up in bed by half eight and slept all the way through until half six. I woke up and for the first time since Saturday, I did not feel too bad at all. My body is really showing signs of getting back to normal. My hair is coming through a lovely honey blonde colour, a lot lighter than I used to be. If I stand with the light behind me I look like I have a halo! The longer, darker strands of hair that have been around for a while are coming out which is exactly what the doctor said would happen, leaving me with the hair that is going to stay. My eyebrows are just about hanging on but I have lost the longer of my eyelashes. I smell like me. I threw away the shower gel I have been using whilst I have been having chemo. I don't want to be reminded. One thing that really did affect me badly on Friday when I had chemo was the smell of the chemo ward. I could smell it on my coat when I came out and it made me feel really sick. I am going to have to get used to that as that is where I will be going to have my Herceptin. It is really funny how the mind works - I am living proof of mind over matter if positive thinking is anything to go by.

Day 140

I feel really yuck. I was so tired this morning I went back to bed after seeing the little fella to school but I could not sleep. The nausea is continual, looking forward to that wearing off! So, to sum me up right now, I look green, shattered and bald. I wonder if Loreal will give me a contract?! I am going to have an early night tonight, bed is the only thing I am good for at the moment. Still no pain though so not all bad!

Day 139

Well, I have had my ECG and....my results are normal!!! Hurrah!!!! My heart has not been damaged by the chemo. Fantastic news! Have had my consent form signed by the doctor for my Herceptin, green light go for the 21st December. Apart from feeling green from the chemo, I am feeling fantastic, the sun is shining and I can nearly see the end of this tunnel. No more chemo. My heart is in normal condition. I have a lot to be thankful for. Oh yes - no pain from the lump area for the first time since June!

Day 138

Feeling about as bad as I have ever felt today, not surprising, had six rounds of chemo now. I am still in my pyjamas! I slept for nearly ten hours last night and I have just woken up after another two. Doing what I used to do when I was poorly as a child, sleeping to make me better and then eating potatoes as comfort food. It was really horrible outside this morning when I woke up, mirrored how I was feeling. Blue skies now.

Day 137

It has finally sunk in today that I am not having any more chemo. If I was not feeling so totally wasted I would be doing a jig! I am very breathless, going upstairs is a real challenge but I know it is only temporary. Not feeling too sickly, had honey on toast for breakfast which does me the world of good. Found it difficult to get to sleep last night even though I had a tablet but then slept through give or take for about eight hours so not complaining. I really have very little to complain about, I think I have got away with this very lightly - here's hoping I have got away with it. I have spoken to a couple of ladies recently who have really been to hell and back with this. One was told she had a healthy breast removed and the other had her lymph nodes removed in her left arm and now has dreadful swelling in her entire arm and hand. I have lost my hair, big deal. I suppose remaining positive thoughout this has really helped me more than I have realised. It has been easy to remain positive with all the support I have. My little boy said last night he was really proud of me because I have finished my medicine, bless him. I am ok, just full of nasty chemicals - looking at cranberry juice is a real problem because one of the chemo drugs is bright red - funny how the mind works!