Day 3

Still feeling ok today, bit tired and I have noticed some markings on my skin, I had that last time with the last chemo. My hair is already feeling dry but the aches and pains that I had on Friday are totally gone. I have really noticed that there is no ache in my side from the liver already, after the biting pains I had on Friday. I only had 3/4 of the dosage this time as the doctor wanted to see how I reacted to the chemo so I am going to call him tomorrow and let him know I want the full whack next time, throw the book at me. I strongly suspect I will be at work on Tuesday but if I am tired I will be going home, I am going to make sure I don't overdo it.

Day 2

Not feeling too bad at all today - no sickness at all. So different from last time when I woke up the morning after the chemo and had to run for the anti-sickness tablets. I woke up at 3am and did a full body diagnostic! No pain in my back or legs and only the bitey ache in my liver which was comforting but even that is not causing me any grief. I was not hungry last night and I only ate this morning because I had to take the dreaded steroid tablets again - I hate them. They leave me breathless and my heart pounding so all I can do is rest up which isn't a bad thing really. My hair is already feeling drier and thinner somehow so I don't think it will be long now before it starts to fall out again - at least I don't have as much to lose this year! It was halfway down my back last year, this year I only have about 4" of regrowth. It's the only downside to having this treatment. I was deathly white last night, even my legs and arms were whiter than white so at least the steroids make my cheeks rosy as well. I am feeling fine.

Captains Log - Day 1

Well I have done it.. had my first dose of Docetaxol. How do I feel? Ruddy marvellous!! No allergic reaction to the medication, went in beautifully in just over an hour. My face has changed colour slightly, I went from looking flushed to deathly white, my lower back and legs are aching somewhat but nowhere near as much as I was expecting - it's similar to the ache I had after the first Herceptin. They took four attempts to get the the canula in but that was the only downside to the whole procedure. I went to bed when I got in but was not able to rest, so instead I jumped in the car, went to the shops and got Ben and Jerry's Phish Food icecream!!! I know its early days yet, there is a chance that I will feel worse as the days progress but I am not worried. Right now I am feeling fine... ooh yes..I know where the tumours are because right now they are hurting and we all know that pain is good when it comes to chemo. When I had the last batch I felt like I was being bitten hard in the area where my breast lump was and that's now gone. Loving Pink's new song 'So What', turned my stereo up loud and grinned all the way home!!

Counting the Days Again

I had a call this morning from the chemo nurse - I had bloods taken yesterday for my Herceptin tomorrow - and they are going to start my chemotherapy tomorrow!! I am so excited. I was impatient to get started on it and now its happening faster than I expected. So mad frantic phone calls to my friend who will be taking me - the same angel who was with me all the way last year bless her - work are now ready and geared up and friends are being told too. All systems go. And it knows it. I have pain in my side today. I am feeling totally fine, happy to be starting on it. I also found something else out today, the drug I am going to be having is called Docetaxol - and it was originally derived from Yew tree leaves. So this hippy chick who hugs trees and would love to live among them is being helped by the trees as well. There is something very special about that to me. I am holding my head up, looking at the cancer straight in the eye and saying to it... watch out. This chick is ready for battle.

Up... and down again

Hit the low today, same way I did after I was diagnosed last year. I handle the news full on and throw myself at it with all guns blazing and then I have to come down again. I had to go to the doctors this morning to have bloods taken for my last Herceptin on Friday (spookily it will be number 13)and the poor nurse asked me how I was - fatal. I ended up sobbing my heart out with her giving me a cuddle. But then dried my eyes and put that smile back on my face.. if I start to scream now I suspect I could crack the world... so instead, I take a deep breath, smile because if you smile on the outside you smile on the inside and those positive endorphins just love whipping the butts of cancer cells! I am fine now. I realised I have not had that pain at all in my side since Sunday so it's not all bad. I want to know my tumour marker results from the bloods I had taken today, I want to know if they have increased again. I suspect they will have but at least now I know why, where it is and what I am doing about it. And that means I feel calmer.

Work

First day back at work today after being told last Thursday - there was a part of me that didn't want to go in because I knew that I had to talk to more people and others would want to discuss it with me. I needn't have been worried. Yet again work are rallying round and it was actually really good to know where I stand and to be able to laugh with my friends. I really am being watched over. Cancer may have my body but my the rest of me is being looked after really really well.

Attack

I won't suffer, be broken, get tired or wasted, surrender to nothing or give up what I've started and stopped it, from end to beginning, a new day is dawning and I am full of life..I will attack.

'Attack' 30 Seconds to Mars.

I am at war. Bring it on.

Here we go again!

Ok constant reader, I have had the results from my MRI. The good news is that I have beaten breast, lung and lymph cancer!!! The bad news is I have got cancer of the liver. Bugger. I have two tumours on my liver, once is 3cm long and the other one is there but smaller. So what does this mean. Well, my liver is still functioning normally, bizarrely! Its not being affected by the tumours at all. I am now only dealing with one site not four. I am in a little bit of discomfort but its not continual. Next step.. more chemo. I am going to have another course of chemotherapy, a different one this time. It will make me lose my hair again (thats fine cos what I have now is sooo scary!!!) Then they will follow me up with different medication. The herceptin is not working. I told you I was an awkward customer!! I have told work I am going to have more time off this time - I only had 12 days off with the chemo last time. The chemo will affect me differently (well hey, why break the habit of a life time!)How do I feel.. now the initial shock has worn off and I have stopped crying and raging against the world (that was quick, only found out 4 hours ago) I feel calm and guess what.. bring it on. I am all fired up and ready to go. This chick is so not ready to leave the party yet.

MRI

I had a full body MRI on Thursday and they did my brain as well - not that they will find much in there! It's the first time I have been scanned since last October and since I stopped chemo in December. At the moment I am still waiting to see what the results are. Worrying about the results is not going to change them so I am not worrying. I think when I get the phone call from the doctor though my heart will be pounding and I will go icy cold. How do I feel in myself? Fine actually! I am a little more tired than usual, still get a bit breathless if I overdo it but I am not in any pain - the ache I have in my side is still there intermittantly but its certainly not constant - I am not in any pain right now. I am sleeping well, eating well and having so much fun with my friends. Life is good. I am looking at another autumn, not planning anything for the future still - my last herceptin will be administered on December 12th and that is when the scary time begins - unless the results from the scan dictate otherwise. I will let you know the results...