Day 125

Feeling brilliant, had a really good day at work, so good to be back among my friends. I managed to do a full day and I did not start to get tired until nearly 4pm, which I think is fair, most people start to get tired at the end of the working day. I am not too tired now either, feeling more and more like I am becoming match fit again. I feel now is the time to tell you the reason why my perspective on life has changed so much. I always used to be a bit of a hippy chick, enjoying the beauty of nature and I have always valued my friends and family. I now know I will never, ever take anything for granted again. This is hard for me to tell you, and some of you will find this hard to hear, but the reason I feel so alive is because I had prepared myself for dying. I had made peace with the fact that I may not survive this and the only thing that really broke my heart was the thought that I would have to leave you, to leave behind the people I love so much and to miss out on all the fun! Now you can understand why I see so much beauty in everything around me, why right now I feel as if I have finally found myself. When I was told that the chemo was working, the reason I cried was because although I had made peace, it made me realise how much I wanted to live, to be with the ones I love for as long as I can. Thank you for loving me back.