Day Eighty Two

Every day I am feeling a little bit better, the nausea has finally worn off, not feeling tired so making the most of it and catching up with the housework - what an exciting life I lead! I feel motivated, not wanting to waste the day lying on the sofa, which some would say is probably what I should be doing but hey, carpe diem. I don't feel brave enough to tackle the garden yet, my left wrist is still a little sore so not going to push my luck. Chocolate really seems to alleviate a lot of the symptoms - that is my story and I am sticking with it!

Day Eighty One

Feeling much better today, managed to go out and do some shopping with my sister - last time we went out I could only manage an hour, did nearly four hours today with breaks. Felt a little breathless and tired at the end but still managed to sing all the way home - we are both HUGE Bon Jovi fans! She had not seen me with my spare hair until now - she loved it. I showed her all the other ones too, we had some fun, she tried them on as well - they definitely suit me more though! We had some fun looking at more on eBay too - she has very striking auburn hair, lucky girl, she liked red wigs but I found a very pretty blue one which I might wear to my Christmas works dinner! Well, I think everyone will be so puddled they won't even notice! She took my no hair state very well too, it's good having a little sister!

Day Eighty

Nice lazy day today, just pottering about a bit. I phoned a support group last night, my worries got the better of me. I was curious about what the blood results actually meant. The nurse said that they check for certain enzymes produced by the liver when it is under attack, which mine has been. If these numbers are improving, it shows that my liver function is improving. Made me feel a little better. I have been put forward for an urgent MRI scan - hope it comes through soon. Still feeling a little nauseous today, it's the one symtom from chemo that is taking longer and longer to wear off. Apparently, the fatigue can take up to a year to go away - I hope not! I already want to hibernate in the winter!

Day Seventy Nine

Really feeling fab today, good music on the stereo, smiled all the way into work - hope I make people wonder what I am grinning about! Have so much to smile for, as people are finding out about this I am getting so many messages of support, it's very hard to get down about things. I feel so alive! The only thing I am sad about is that my boss has said he is moving onto pastures new - he has been more than a boss to me over the last few years, he has been an incredible support to me in so many different things in my life, the most recent obviously being my illness and my divorce. He is such a good friend, I know I am going to miss him terribly. BUT! We must do what is right for us, no matter how hard the decision is.

I have just had a phone call from my oncologist - my blood results are improving! In his words, if I am feeling well, that is a good sign. He says that patients are the best indicators of what is going on, blood results are just an indicator. He is going to book me in for my MRI but I will probably have my next round of chemo first. I am too scared to uncross my fingers. I think the pain in my right side may be muscular, it seems to be over my ribs. Logic says if I am feeling fabulous, I must be getting better. The problem is, I never felt unwell in the first place. I am not going to be able to relax until I have had the scan done, but if I tick things off, my breast is looking better, I am not having 'toilet' problems which I started to have, my last period was more like how I used to be, the lump certainly appears to be getting smaller and most importantly, my health is not deteriorating, it SOUNDS as if I am responding to treatment. Fingers crossed.

Day Seventy Eight

Feeling less nauseous today but more tired, listening to my body and not overdoing it. I definitely feel as if something is happening, feeling stronger despite the chemo. My lump has changed shape again, it's becoming harder to find the left side of it now, it's becoming flatter. And it is bullet hard again. People are commenting on how well I am looking - I have the chemo glow! Look like the Ready Brek kid! My skin is not suffering as much this time and I am craving healthy food, lots of protein. My taste buds have changed again, I had to throw out a veggie casserole which I usually love the taste of, I couldn't stomach it at all, but I am craving meat, especially chicken and eggs, seeds and milk. I will rebuild myself! Feel like I am building a suit of armour to protect myself.

Day Seventy Seven

Feeling a bit better today, craving protein on a massive scale - nipped round the shops and before I had even put the shopping away, had a fried egg sandwich on the go - organic egg cooked in safflower oil on seeded batch loaf I hasten to add! But smothered in tomato ketchup! Mmm! My body is trying to rebuild I guess. I was lying in bed last night dreaming about crispy duck! Oh dear, it's like being pregnant and having cravings! But it's amazing, as soon as I finished my sandwich, with a glass of cold milk on the side, I felt so much better. Listen to your body, give it what it wants, that's what I say!

Day Seventy Six

Feeling pretty hideous today, so tired and feeling really sick. Having a down day today, bit tearful. That's what you get for complaining that you are feeling ok! I slept for about nine hours straight through but then had to go back to bed about eleven for another couple of hours. Just taking it easy. I feel breathless and when I go upstairs, I can feel my heart pounding. But believe it or not, I feel better now about the treatment working - anything that makes me feel this bad must be making my lumps feel worse - I hope!