Day Fourteen

Saw my parents today for the first time since I have been diagnosed. My mother has mental health problems and I am worried that this is going to put her over the edge again. I told her to be brave - if I have to be, so does she. Both my parents are very religious. Dad prayed for me. If it helps them to feel useful, that is good, and to be perfectly honest, any help is gratefully received! Feeling a bit down today. I have my period and my breast is hurting a little bit more today. It's also now two months since I first found the lump. Can hear that clock ticking in my head. I am also worrying about the results from the scans. I know worrying won't change the results, but I am not sure if I can take any more bad news. Must keep my chin up. Had extra chocolate to be on the safe side!

Days Twelve and Thirteen

Definitely feeling more tired at the moment, but then I probably have overdone it over the last couple of days. Got all the school uniform sorted out on Saturday and then yesterday went to the market to get a few bits so that the little fella can go away for a couple of weeks on camp. My left arm is aching and so are some of my ribs down the left side, but that's probably because I actually find it more comfortable to sleep on my left side at the moment. I bought one of those small squishy bean bags to go to hospital with so I have something to prop me up with. My hair is looking a little better today and does not feel as dry. I walked from one end of the village to the other this morning and I felt a little breathless but not too bad at all once I sorted my breathing out. Going to rest as much as I can today. Seeing my parents tomorrow for the first time since I told them - I know my mum will cry. Told another of my very old friends yesterday, he took it really well and not only phoned me yesterday evening but phoned me again this morning to see how I was! Friends are wonderful.

Day Eleven

Had my bone scan today - nowhere near as scary as I thought it was going to be. Had 0.5ml of a radioactive injection at 11am which has no side effects other than I cannot be around small children as I am emitting gamma rays! Feel like the human torch in 'Heroes'! Went back at 1pm for the scan. I had to lie down very still whilst one machine went over me - it comes very close to your face but not so that you feel trapped. Another one moves underneath you. I figured out that it was moving when I breathed so I lay there holding my breath and then breathing very quickly! It goes up and down in time with your chest - very clever. The nurse who did my scan was very reassuring and I feel very positive. Apparently, I fall into the 'Been there, done that, got the T-shirt' type of person due to my attitude at the moment. Keep it up!

Day Ten

I think I have got to the point now where I am just fed up with talking about this lump - it seems to be the topic of every conversation and I am bored of it. This sounds really heartless, but the news is obviously trickling through and people are contacting me and wishing me well - right now, I just don't want to think about it anymore. I sound very ungrateful, don't I? I don't mean to be, but like I said, I feel like I am in the eye of a storm and everyone around me is fretting - I just have to get on with it. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate everyones thoughts, prayers and wishes, but I am tired of living with this already. That and the fact that I have my bone scan tomorrow and I am scared of what they may find. Cried a bit today, friend suggested taking some photo's of me now for my son before I lose all my hair. It's a good idea, but just upset me a little. I am allowed to have down days. As long as they don't out number the good ones.

Day Nine

Had a bad night last night, lots of pain. Could not get comfortable. But today, no pain at all! Really odd. Going to see my hairdresser I think, get my hair cut shorter so it's easier to cope with after the operation - and there won't be so much to clog up the plughole when it does start to fall out! Have to see the lining on every cloud. I have heard that hair comes back different colours (I am not talking rainbow coloured!) - if you were brown before, you might come back blonde. At the moment, I am a sort of blonde/brown mixture - would like to come back more chestnutty! Who knows? We shall just have to wait and see! Drinking lots of pomegranate juice and soya milk (it's not too bad!) and eating tomatoes and dark chocolate. My work is being fab about my time off - they are going to let me manage myself i.e. come in when I can which is wonderful. Had lots of cuddles today which made me feel so much better, need my cuddles. Lucky me.

Day Eight

Got my appointment through for the operation - August 9th, so two weeks away. Mixed feelings, part of me wishes it could be sooner, part of me is scared. In a little bit of pain today, didn't wear a bra to work as I find them uncomfortable but not had any support in that department! Quite liberating though! Had a long talk with one of my girlfriends at work, she is keeping a very good eye on me and she understands what I am going through which is a huge help. Another good friend is living with this as a time bomb - her mother has had it and survived, her aunt died. Friends are all rallying around. Am feeling cold today and my hair is starting too look out of condition, it's not shiny any more and feels dry. If I was a labrador, I'm sure my nose would be dry! Still eating properly - with lots of chocolate on the side!

Day Seven

Have just spent about £20 on dark chocolate - if it makes Harry Potter feel better after an attack by the dementors, it has to make me feel better too. That is my theory and I am sticking with it. Work has been rallying around, they are going to try and make it possible for me to work at home. Had to tell another friend the bad news today - that is the worst part about being poorly. Off to see the doctor in a bit, ibuprofen not tackling the pain too well. Saying that, I woke up this morning with no pain at all. Did not want to move a muscle, it was wonderful. Talking about wigs today with the girls, they all found the idea really exciting! My best pal is going to come with me to choose one - bet it will be a real giggle! Stocked up the fridge with pomegranate juce and soya milk - get that immune system going. My left ear is a little sore today, reason for seeing doctor as well. The last thing I want is not to be able to have the op as I have an ear infection. That really would be the last straw I think!