Getting It Off My Chest: Day Sixty Five

Thursday, 20 September 2007

Day Sixty Five

Slept much better last night and feel fabulous today - my eyes are nowhere near as tired as they were yesterday, feel much better, more like me again. The love of a good man and Bon Jovi on my stereo, life just does not get much better than this! Happy girl!

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Message for the Lump

The song above, 'Attack' by 30 Seconds to Mars has been my anthem throughout this. The opening lines, "I won't suffer, be broken, get tired or wasted, surrender to nothing...a new day is coming and I am full of life...run away, run away, I'll attack, run away, run away, go change yourself". When I first heard the line "a new day is coming and I am full of life" it made me smile so much. I now sing my heart out to this song. I refuse to be beaten, I will attack the cancer that is in me and I will win.

E-mail me

It would be really wonderful if you could e-mail me with any words of encouragement, stories you have, or even if you just want to chat about this with me if you are going through something similar. It would really good to hear from you and know that I am not alone. I will put any comments you have on my site so that other people can benefit from this too. I will not divulge your identities unless you wish me to do so. I look forward to hearing from you. My address is-

solsticespirit@yahoo.co.uk

Actual Medical Records!

- The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
- Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
- Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
- While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
- Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
- Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
- Skin: somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie
- Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
- Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys...and this guy's got two of 'em.
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
- Sterile, shcmerle. The floor's clean, right?
- What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?
- OK, now take a picture from this angle.
- This is truly a freak of nature.
- This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
- What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!
- Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Getting It Off My Chest