Day 90

I feel fantastic today and better than last time yet again. No fatigue at all really and some pain in the liver area which is nice - those cells are getting a hammering again. I have some news for you so get comfortable because this one is going to be a long one I feel. I have received a letter today from my oncologist. Basically, he confirms that the treatment is working and the lumps in my liver are smaller in the scan than they were in August - hurrah!!!! The blood markers also reflect this. However, and this is where I came unstuck a little (but only temporarily), because the Herceptin did not keep the cancer away and because my cancer is not a hormonal one, there is no maintenance medication for me. I am to have my last round of chemo on December 12th and then... wait and see. The oncologist wants to see me in March. Ok, millions of things running round my head at the moment so please bear with me, I just need to get them out. Ok, if the Herceptin didn't keep it at bay in my breast, lymph and lung - that means I did! So what now for me. Well, as of now, I am at war. It is now my responsibility to give myself the best chance of surviving this and to do everything I can to beat this at its own game. So, healthy diet (not that its that bad at the moment), more exercise and more importantly - no more worrying. I was taught a valuable lesson when I was at school, I used to worry about everything. Then a friend said, if you can do something about it, do it, if you can't, don't worry about it. It has been my mantra ever since. In this case, I can do something about it, I can go and kick bottom. I cannot worry about dying - I certainly can't do anything about that! One thing I have noticed is that when I get upset, I get pain in my liver. So no more getting upset. I was right, laughter and love really are going to get me through this. If you are reading this, please, get out there and enjoy your life, grab the world in both hands and give it the biggest hug. I have been given this chance to do just that and I am going to. I am going to beat this. I know I am. I have the biggest smile on my face right now - can you feel it? I put my car stereo on today and 30 Seconds to Mars was on - Attack. Oh bring it on. I won't suffer, be broken,get tired or wasted, surrender to nothing or give up what I've started and stopped this from end to beginning, a new day is coming and I am full of life. Damn right I am.