Day Eighty Four

Bit of an up and down day today. Visited my friends in the ICT dept today, I now have the capability to work at home which is brilliant, although they did say that knowing me, I won't need to as I am still going into work most of the time. Had them in fits telling them tales of hanging my spare hair out on the line to dry! Lovely people, very grateful for all the help they have given me. I went on the Macmillan website last night, left a few messages of support for other people and a few questions for me. There are some very poorly people out there, and there are some incredibly brave, amazing and caring people out there too. Angels come in many guises. I phoned their helpline today, had a bit of a cry. I am worried about this ache I have in my side. By the end of the chat though I was smiling again. Sometimes you just need to chat to someone who is impartial and have a good cry to make you feel better. There is one lady who replied to my post who is having the same chemo as me, she has not been sick either and she is putting on weight, two of my symptoms. She said the steroids made her feel worse than the chemo did, which is how I felt. She was having nightmares, I have sleeping tablets but I am having the most incredible, real life dreams at the moment, so that is another tick in the box. She said she felt achey too. I have some discomfort in my breast too and that is getting better. I had a good check this morning, dare I say it, I think the lump is less than 1cm big now. I feel as if I am in limbo, waiting for the results of this MRI. I am so scared that it's not working, that the cancer has spread. I know I can't do anything about it, so don't worry about it, that has always been my motto, but it doesn't stop you from feeling scared.