Day 40

Feeling a little blue today although I am smiling on the outside. I rely and depend on my friends so much so when I turn around and they are not there because they are struggling with their own lives, I feel lost. I suppose because I cope with what I am going through so well, I forget that my friends may not be coping with their own problems as well as I maybe would. This is so hard and I know I cannot do this on my own. That scares me so much. I went to the doctors today and he has prescribed me some stronger pain killers so that when I get zapped on Friday at least I don't have to put up with the pain and I will be able to sleep. I feel so alone. My line manager came over to see me today for a welfare visit which was lovely, I have so much support from work. I know I am not alone really, there are still some of you rooting for me and letting me know I am ok. It just hurts so much when a friend cannot tell me why they cannot talk to me. I am not alright but I will be ok, the thing about friends is that it's a two way street.. just because I am living with this disease, it does not stop me caring about how others feel or being there for them. Deep breaths, hold my head high and try to keep smiling but sometimes its bloody hard.